Trying to figure out the big picture.

Feeling comfortable enough to share what's been going on in my life is something I usually could never do. Now I feel like I can. It's still so strange to me how I have the courage to tell you what's been going on in my life. I guess I feel part of this journey can somehow help people if not just one person out there.  

I feel like I haven't been able to fully explain the concept behind "Seeking him. Seeking Him." Trust me, you'll start to put it all together soon. I keep finding myself trying to look deeper into simple questions that have occurred in the last week. One in particular had to deal with my faith. I started to look at the many situations I've been givin to try to sort through but I couldn't seem to figure it out. I found myself questioning my faith and wondering "Have I ever really felt the presence of God?" Anytime during the day that question would pop up in my mind and honestly I couldn't help but cry. If I've ever needed to feel the presence of God it was right now. I needed Him more than ever. I think about my selfish thoughts as I would take a test and I would ask God, "Please be with me during this!" Or many times I would find myself saying, "God make your precense known here, while I try to figure out what camp I should do this summer." It's hard to believe that I really felt like those times were life or death moments that I would have needed to feel His presence. 

As I woke up yesterday I found myself kneeling down and just putting my all into the prayer I was about to pray. I needed the Lord to show me what I needed to do. I wondered if where I was in church, in school, with friendships, if that's what He wanted. I kept repeating to God, "Lord I need to know you're here with me through this time I'm going through. If I've ever needed to feel your presence it's now God. Show me something, give me a sign, anything!!" So I went on with my normal day. I started preparing myself for the weekend I have ahead. I kept a positive and open mindset throughout the day! Randomly I receive a text from a girl at my church simply saying, "I love you Sarah!!" I thought well that was random. I got to church and could tell my mind was racing with so many questions still. I kept thinking "did I miss it, Lord??" I figured I would have felt something. Later that evening I finally just gave in and had to talk to someone about it. I think I realized in the midst of me trying to figure out when God would reveal Himself to me He was doing it through simple things throughout the day. I prayed constantly talking to Him. The encouragement I recieved from a simple "I love you Sarah!" That was what I needed and He knew that. 

I feel like a lot of the times we look for a huge sign of God revealing Himself to us and we miss it. We begin to question our faith wondering if we even really know Him. Today I have challenged myself to be in a mindset of prayer throughout the day. I continue to pray for God to change my heart to one that has an outpour of love in all situations, good and bad.