Trying to figure out the big picture.

Feeling comfortable enough to share what's been going on in my life is something I usually could never do. Now I feel like I can. It's still so strange to me how I have the courage to tell you what's been going on in my life. I guess I feel part of this journey can somehow help people if not just one person out there.  

I feel like I haven't been able to fully explain the concept behind "Seeking him. Seeking Him." Trust me, you'll start to put it all together soon. I keep finding myself trying to look deeper into simple questions that have occurred in the last week. One in particular had to deal with my faith. I started to look at the many situations I've been givin to try to sort through but I couldn't seem to figure it out. I found myself questioning my faith and wondering "Have I ever really felt the presence of God?" Anytime during the day that question would pop up in my mind and honestly I couldn't help but cry. If I've ever needed to feel the presence of God it was right now. I needed Him more than ever. I think about my selfish thoughts as I would take a test and I would ask God, "Please be with me during this!" Or many times I would find myself saying, "God make your precense known here, while I try to figure out what camp I should do this summer." It's hard to believe that I really felt like those times were life or death moments that I would have needed to feel His presence. 

As I woke up yesterday I found myself kneeling down and just putting my all into the prayer I was about to pray. I needed the Lord to show me what I needed to do. I wondered if where I was in church, in school, with friendships, if that's what He wanted. I kept repeating to God, "Lord I need to know you're here with me through this time I'm going through. If I've ever needed to feel your presence it's now God. Show me something, give me a sign, anything!!" So I went on with my normal day. I started preparing myself for the weekend I have ahead. I kept a positive and open mindset throughout the day! Randomly I receive a text from a girl at my church simply saying, "I love you Sarah!!" I thought well that was random. I got to church and could tell my mind was racing with so many questions still. I kept thinking "did I miss it, Lord??" I figured I would have felt something. Later that evening I finally just gave in and had to talk to someone about it. I think I realized in the midst of me trying to figure out when God would reveal Himself to me He was doing it through simple things throughout the day. I prayed constantly talking to Him. The encouragement I recieved from a simple "I love you Sarah!" That was what I needed and He knew that. 

I feel like a lot of the times we look for a huge sign of God revealing Himself to us and we miss it. We begin to question our faith wondering if we even really know Him. Today I have challenged myself to be in a mindset of prayer throughout the day. I continue to pray for God to change my heart to one that has an outpour of love in all situations, good and bad. 

You make beautiful things.

I like to think that many situations in life are a challenge from God... A challenge that will determine if your actions rise above what you keep telling yourself. Talk can only go so far. 

I think it's best to kind of give you a little incite on who I am. I like a challenge but usually I end up  doing a lot more talk rather than putting my actions to the test. I say I easily trust people but to be quite honest I have a huge brick wall I've built up over time. I don't know many people who have actually been able to knock that wall down. I mean that in its self is a challenge. "Trust me you'll get through this!" "Trust me I know how you feel." So many times I've heard this over and over from various people in my life and God as well. I sit everyday wondering when I'll finally be able to believe that. 

For those of you that don't know already God has a beautiful plan for your life. Far bigger, far grander, and far more amazing than you ever thought. 

How than do you take something bad in your life and view it as a gift from God? How do you trust and expect to be content in the uncertainty of life? When do we stop asking what went wrong and who is to blame and start displaying who God is through those trails? Think about that. 

The only thing I can say is that His plan is better. I know you've heard this already but it's true. I'm speaking from experience. So many times in my own life I've thought that I have everything figured out. Unfortunately I wasn't even close. The best part about that is that it's okay. I look at myself today and I know and trust that God has a will for my life. That right there has to be what we hold onto everyday. Don't let that go. Every single day I'll continue to get another peice of my puzzle. Somedays it will feel like that piece doesn't fit or connect to any other piece already. But you'll get it sooner or later, as will I. 

Everyday I'm going to propose a different challenge or something that you can think about that day. 

Today I want us to try to rejoice in every hour. Give thanks to God for every little or big thing that comes your way today. Remember it serves a part in this big puzzle that is being put together everyday.   

Honesty is the best policy

   I decided to seek guidance from a couple of the high school girls at my church. As we all sat down enjoying our Starbucks I decided to propose a simple question. I wanted to make it clear that they be completely honest. "What do you look for when you're seeking a guy?"
   Here are some of the answers they gave me back: 1)Tall and not too skinny. 2) Athletic. 3) They need to be easy going and able to hold conversation. 4) They have to make me laugh. 5) Very attractive. After all of the answers I got back I decided to ask them this question, "Do you seek God when seeking what you should look for in a guy?" The main answer I got back was, "When a guy comes into the picture you don't seek God in that exact moment."
   How many of us can say that that's true? We allow all these different people to come into our dating life and forget to seek God before pursuing something serious. Guilty! I think its safe to say that we tend to accept what feels comfortable in our dating life and mistake that as His will for us. Don't get me wrong I know you're not going to date someone if it doesn't feel right! Duh, but lets take a second and really accept the truth in that. What if this person who you have felt comfortable with isn't in God's will for your life. They check all the boxes for what you're looking for in a relationship but is far from what He wants to check off of His list for you. Recently I heard this song called "Shepherd" by Bethel. "In the process. In the waiting. You're making melodies over me. And your presence
is the promise. For I am a pilgrim on a journey." I kept playing that part over and over again. After I listened to the whole thing there was one constant in this whole song that stuck out far beyond the rest of the lyrics. "Good shepherd of my soul, take my hand and lead me on."
   I want to end with saying that I'm preaching to myself when I look back at everything I've just said to you. With that, I encourage you to take time and pray to see if your list matches His. Lets allow God to take our hand and lead us on His journey He has set out for us.

Just for starters...

   Lets start off with saying I don't have this figured out. In fact I don't have a single ounce of this figured out.
   With that being said this journey will be filled with ups and downs, as it has been already. Flaws will be unwrapped, happiness will be revealed, and the truth will be accepted. All of this comes down to him vs. Him. Pursuing him vs. pursuing Him. Falling in love with him vs. falling in love with Him. I want to take in this new journey everyday and give you the opportunity to sit in the passengers seat.